Okay, here's the thing. I've been doing this whole thing for a LONG time now. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with 2 people at the same time. Both loves are totally different from the other, but I'm SO confused as to what to do. Neither has an incling of what's going on with the other. I have 2 really close friends who know about them. and they both say that I should get up and go on both acct's. I never meant for me to start dating or fall for one of them. Especially since I'm living with the other. I'll call them Ryan and Jacob.
Ryan is who I am living with. I've dated him for years. 4 to be exact. we broke up and I saw other people for a year and then we got back together. He moved in with me and is currently paying for EVERYTHING so I can go to school. He's a wonderful person now and has changed for the better of all aspects.
Jacob is young. He's actually still in HS. only 4 years younger than me, but a lot more mature for his age. He is EVERYTHING I've ever looked for in a partner, and then some. Sweet, caring, doting, understanding, and not in the least bit jealous. (of course there's more) but we weren't even supposed to get together at all. We've been friends for about a year and, a half. getting to know each other and what not.
The whole reason we got together, was kinda like one of those teen movies. Where you make a bet with someone and then the person finds out and hates you.... well, except that he was in on the bet from the start. Anywyas. I made a bet with a friend of mine that I could do stuff to him w/o him flipping out or going crazy shy. I told Jacob from the get go, there's a big bet about you and I, and I'm not going to tell you exactly what it is but promise you won't be peturbed by it when we tell you. He agreed and said it sounded interesting. We then went parking and I proceeded to do stuff with him. (I'll spare you all the details. Basicly we just made out a LOT)
It was alot of fun and that one night happend again. a couple more times. And finally it progressed to me seeing him almost every day and talking to him several times a day. He knew from the get go that I was adamant about NOT having a b/f. I didn't want one nor did I have time for one. (rather another one) He wasn't pushing the subject though I knew he wanted to. And one night he, my friend Lauren and I had a LONG conversation about stuff and I ended up admitting that I had feelings for him. He almost crapped himself. And from then on pretty much assumed that we were dating.
Our group of friends found out some how, and our friend whom I made the bet with got pissed at me b/c he was upset that I wasn't all to hiself anymore. And I couldn't/wouldn't do stuff with him if I was with Jacob. Which now has torn a rift in our circle of friends.
More complications. The person I was seeing durring the time that Ryan and I were broken up, came home on break, and knew about Ryan. he then told the friend, Alex, about Ryan and now they're scheming a LOT of stuff on what to do to save Jacob from a world of hurt. I don't blame them one bit. I'm VERY glad that they're trying to protect Jacob and that they have only his best interests in mind. But, I'm kinda...i duno about him being so clueless and blind to everything.
He refuses to believe anything they say about me. He insists that if I were lying to him, he'd know b/c he can tell. Which I find kinda amusing where as I am an actress by trade and he knows I'm good at it. I havn't exactly lied to him. I just havn't told him everything. I've told him this strait out. There's a lot he doens't know about me, and he shouldn't be surprized when he finds out if he decides he doesn't like me any more. He insists he can't NOT like me, and all that jazz.
But thus is my dilemna! What do I do? HOW do I go about doing such?
if I get rid of Ryan:
1. I am not financially stable to support myself and thus loose that. (yes that's really cold but very true and he knows it)
2. I'd have to let him go for good this time and never be able to see him again. and I don't think I could handle that.
3. my friends would be fine with that though a lot of them would say I told you so.
4. I don't think I could handle it emotionally and I'd have another break down.
If i got rid of Jacob:
1. I'd loose an entire circle of friends. (spare me the speach of if they were really your friends)
2. I would crush him totally and I don't really know what he'd do.
and I'm at a loss for more things... most of the things are just feelings that I can't really put words to.... There has to be an easy way! oy! Help? please? Anyone?